Many thoughts, many feelings...

Since I've become a wife I've learned many things. Since I've become a mother I've learned even more.

I've learned to appreciate the small things in life and that truly at the end of the day my family is me, my husband, my son and my lil' sweet pea in me- the dogs too! I cannot control life and life cannot control me. It's okay that my house is a mess as long as I'm okay with it. I've learned that my husband is not perfect, but neither am I. I am still truly lucky, I have a husband who goes out of his way to make my life as easy as possible. It's okay that I cannot please everyone as long as I'm happy with the choices I've made. And when you have a sick child you also are sick. Although you do not feel the illness that your child feels, your heart aches knowing that your child is not well.

I've learned that life goes on and each day is a new opportunity to make it better than the day before. I've learned not to compare my life to that of others and to be envious of things I care not enough to strive to have for myself. I've learned that I'm still naive and as my husband once told me, sheltered. I do know though that I am strong- stronger than I could have ever imagine, stronger than what others think of me.

I've learned that I'm getting older. I'm no longer a twenty something, better yet, I'm nearing my thirties. I've grown to have less tolerance for selfish and petty people and things. I've leaned that I don't care to be the center of attention other than in the eyes of my husband. I've leaned that the smile and laughter of my son is much more gratifying than jet setting and spending money I do not have. I've leaned that I can no longer be the single twenty something whose only concern was herself and having a good time, but enjoys being in the company of good friends, the closer to home the better.

Since I've become a wife I've learned many things. Since I've become a mother I've learned even more. I continue to learn, grow and love life. I am a wife and a mother.

Time is going so fast...

  This same time last year I was pregnant and beginning maternity leave. It's hard to imagine how quickly time has gone and how rapidly Donovan has grown. Our screen saver on our home PC shows images from our pictures on the hard drive. It's amazing to see pictures of Donovan as a newborn and think, "wow, I thought he was such a big boy then!" "he's so much bigger now, he doesn't even look like that same baby anymore."

I do miss when he wasn't so wormy and independent, the times he fit into my lap and I could nuzzle with him in bed. Now I have to block of flaling legs during diaper changes and times when he pushes me away to state his "I'm a big boy" status.

Here are  random things Donovan has learned over the last 11.5 months:

blows kisses

wave

cover his mouth when he coughs

open cabinet doors

close doors

he also seems to understand the purpose of a doorknob (reaches for it when the door is closed)

babbles and says the following words, but still is learning to associate correctly:

Dada/ Papa 

Bur (bird, sometime plane)

ba (ball) 

doh (door)

well those are just a few things off the top of my head.

here's a then and now photo to leave you with.

A blog for my babies...

I think once baby #2 comes I'll create a blog about my children. I only say when #2 comes because I don't wanna be biased and be postin' stuff all about Donovan now since he's still an only child.

I'm in a rut... no not a nut!

I'm finding myself in a rut lately. So much that I feel I'm alienating myself from people around me. I don't know what it is. I want to say it's just ones of those times in your life or maybe it's the hormones from this second pregnancy (yes, I'm pregnant again), or that it just is what it is... a rut.

Part of it I know is work. I now understand why my good friend, also a night nurse, contemplated many times switching shifts. I only have one child but I now understand why she contemplated it so many times. But deep down I know myself and I wouldn't be any happier if I switched shifts... if I cut my hours maybe, but that's a separate dilemma all on it's own. Lately, work has not been as rewarding... too many people worried about making mistakes and losing their jobs that they've become afraid to help another coworker out making work at my hospital that much less rewarding and difficult. We've become to preoccupied with crossing our t's and dotting our i's that we've lost sight in the joy it is to be a nurse and care and comfort the ill. I work on a committee to help improve both the quality of care for the patient as well as the support for the nurse, yet I get grief for it and no support from management. I think it's been affecting me more lately because of these pregnancy hormones. I'm so much more grumpier and moody than I was with Donovan- I hope that changes, I enjoyed my pregnancy with Donovan.

Work is affecting my enthusiasm outside at home as well. I feel so drained after working that I can't seem to find the energy at home. I feel my mood is effecting the way my son and even my husband respond and interact with me. GOD, I love my husband and my son. My husband has been extra good to me lately since I've hit this rut and with my pregnancy I just couldn't have asked for me. He let's me get by with so much.

With that said, I wish I could just take some time off from work. You know, a sabbatical, but that's near impossible to do. 1. I need to save what little time off I have because of this pregnancy and 2. I don't think they would approve the time off.

I just wish there were times in life that you could just hit the pause button just to get the chance to breath.

"There's how many days left?"

 That's the thought that runs rampant through my head for 2 very good reasons.

1. I'm going back to work January 13th

2. The wedding is less than 5 months til our wedding and a long laundry list of things to do.

And I guess 3 when you add Donovan's baptism in February.

I really had high hopes and a great desire to get as most of my wedding stuff done during my maternity leave, but alas, I haven't and now I'm down to about 2 weeks until I go back to work.

Things I/ we (Jose and I) haven't done but should have definitely done already.

1. Invite/ request the those we'd like to be sponsors & readers at our wedding, 2. STDs, 3. Order invitations, 4. Engagement pics?, 5. Register, 6. order our cake, 7/8/9. pick a florist, make-up & hair artist, 10. Complete our marriage prep classes... the list could go on, and this is just off the top of my head!

With the holidays, I didn't even think of how that and a newborn would eat up so much of that so called free time I thought I'd have. It's time to buckle down and get some *ish crossed off this mama/ Mrs to be's list.

Before I leave... look what my baby can do.

2 months & 6 days old